09 August 2025

Statospheric Saturdays: Rituals for a College Campus

This week, I have three more rituals for you, originally submitted along with two GMCs for a game jam on the UA discord server. They're unified by the theme that they would be useful to members of a Skull and Bones-esque occult fraternity with a postmodern magickal twist (an idea I may end up developing more thoroughly for a future StatSat post). I did refine some of the details of these a bit, for any readers who've seen them before.

Freshman Fifteen 
Cost:
2 minor charges

Ritual action: Share a meal at a university dining hall with your intended victim (fast food joints work too, as long as they’re within 3 miles of campus). Make sure you both get the non-diet soda to wash it down, and that you both eat at least 3,000 (kilo)calories of food. Before you eat again, weigh yourself on a scale while in a moving elevator.

Effect: The next time your victim weighs themself, fifteen pounds of body fat will be instantly transferred from your body to theirs instantaneously. This causes an Unnatural (3-4) check for both of you. The change in both your bodies is visible at a glance. 

 

Midnight Oil 
Cost: 1 minor charge

Ritual action: Starting at 11:48 PM (local time), drink twelve whole cans of an energy drink. It can be any brand, but it has to be the generic flavor. You must finish them all before midnight. As you empty them, arrange the cans in a circle around you, logos facing inward, and sit in the middle cross-legged. Make sure you cannot reach or see any timepieces. 
Effect: Time stretches and slows around you. For each hour that passes outside the circle, 70 minutes pass within. If someone were to observe you from outside, they’d probably think you're moving in exaggerated, pantomime slow-motion. If they watch for a while and realize that time is flowing at two different speeds in the same area, they are subject to an Unnatural (3-4) check. Similarly, any motion you can see is uncannily fast, and if you pay it any attention you face the same shock.

The effect persists for as long as you stay within the circle and unaware of the current time, so you can knock out quite a bit of homework, as long as you've got a bladder of steel. If you are told or otherwise become privy to the current time, on purpose or not, the magick of the ritual ceases immediately.

Oh, and a word of warning: if you fall asleep in the middle of the circle, you’re very susceptible to demonic possession.


Quiet Enjoyment
Cost: 2 minor charges

Ritual action: Knock five times on the wall, ceiling, or floor between your own living space and an adjacent dorm room or apartment from which you can hear some kind of noise whose source is beyond your control. Shout through the wall that you're calling in a noise complaint if it continues. For the ritual to work, the sound has to drop in response by at least 33.3 decibels (roughly the difference between normal conversation and a whisper) and then return to at least its original volume. 

Repeat this whole process, then call your RA, landlord, or local police (whichever is most accountable for maintaining peace and quiet where you live).

Effect: As long as your phone call is answered, the room/apartment where the sound was coming from becomes unnaturally muted - no sound can be made within, although sounds from without are still audible. The effect lasts as long as your call to the authority figure. Those caught unawares by the effect must make an Unnatural (3-4) check.

 

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