As my more longtime and/or obsessive readers already know, Escape from All-Mart was a (sadly) short-lived campaign I ran building off the fan-favorite campaign starter kit Raiders of the Lost Mart and a related prompt from GOAD. I realized I never actually posted my fully detailed, GM-only notes on the exostock I wrote for the campaign, not all of which was discovered by the players, and even less of which they fully understood how to use. So here's exactly that!
If you saw these when I posted them on the UA discord, they writing has been edited and in a couple cases I've tweaked or added details.
"Liquid Dick" Personal Lubricant
MSRP $18.99
An animate slime that can be mentally controlled, with packaging explaining how to use it as a self-lubing dildo via some very strange pictograms. By default, Secrecy is used to move and mold it into different shapes, but any supernatural identity can be used instead, including adept schools or archetypes. It dries out after about half an hour, and it's only a 4-ounce "travel size" tube, so you'll probably need to use the whole thing to do anything useful, or its advertised function.
The Gaiawave
MSRP $59.95
An "eco-friendly" microwave oven designed by an previous-reality James Lovelock. Any intact, dead life form comes back to life if cooked inside for exactly 3 minutes and 33 seconds. However, you can only set it in 1-minute increments.
Note that, depending on cause of death, what you heat up may not last long. If the life form is mostly intact, perhaps having died by being uprooted whole or from a heart attack, it can be expected to live the rest of its normal lifespan after being put through the Gaiawave. However, if it died more thoroughly, such as by complete saturation with pesticide or dismemberment, it will only live on for 3d10+3 additional hours, and those will likely be agonizing.
AYSE Bullets
MSRP $59.99
9mm bullets that come in a 100-count box. If you shoot someone with one, visions about their future manifest in your dreams for the next 1-5 nights, each time providing a hunch for your next roll that affects that person in some way. If the wound was fatal, these dreams instead traumatize you with ideal futures they might have had if you hadn’t shot them, forcing a rank-9 self check each time they occur. These bullets can be used on yourself; shooting yourself on purpose deals unarmed damage, unless you fumble the roll, in which case it's normal damage.
VAYU-VA-2 Handheld Fan
MSRP $2.99
A handheld, battery-powered fan with foam blades and decorated with cheaply inked, stylized Zoroastrian designs. allows you to control the temperature out to a range of two dhanusham (a little under four meters), for as long as you hold the power button continuously down. You can set the temperature between 0 and 100 degrees Fahrenheit using a plastic dial that is liable to get stuck if not turned carefully. The batteries provide three hours of functionality and contain chemicals that do not otherwise exist in this reality.
"Overcoming Disembowelment & Other Setbacks" VHS Tape
MSRP $86.00
An instructional video oozing a gaudy eighties aesthetic, sold inside a cheap cardboard slipcase that looks equally dated. If played to an empty room, an audience of multiple people, or recorded by any means and played back, the only footage is static and occasional, subliminal frames of gore or eerie, empty spaces.
If you watch it alone, however, a speaker called "Rodney Nimrod" (a famous avatar of the Masterless Man from a prior reality) educates the viewer, in mystic terms, on how to survive 3 hyper-specific lethal injuries, illnesses, or scenarios, one of which is always disembowelment (the other two are different for each viewer). Mechanically, this manifests as a Specific Protection identity with a rating of 1d10+80%.
This version of the tape has disturbingly realistic imagery that force a rank-10 Violence check upon viewing. Once it ends, the tape bursts into flame.
Industrial nail clippers (brand name unknown)
MSRP 🜚4.95
These extremely sturdy, oversized nail clippers' brand name is inscribed in an unrecognizable script originating in an earlier reality in which humanity evolved to be carnivorous hunters. Fingernails, toenails, and even teeth can be clipped with them to subsequently grow back exceptionally sturdy and razor sharp. The regrowth happens at a normal speed despite the unnatural changes.
Henceforth, the affected body parts can only be trimmed with these clippers; they are for all intents and purposes otherwise indestructible. Realizing you've done this to yourself provokes a Helplessness (3-4) check; if someone else used the clippers on you without your consent, it's Helplessness (5-6) instead.
Every time the clippers are reused by a given person, there is a cumulative 5% chance they yield to the affected body part and break apart irreparably.
Topps YOURts Cards
MSRP $3.49
Packaged like sports cards but with only a mirror-like reflective face on the front, each pack contains 16 collectible cards, each bearing twelve-digit serial numbers and a photo of a person with their name on one side and several trivia facts and demographic statistics about them on the other.
Each card's details regard someone the person who opened the pack knows personally, anywhere from acquaintances to loved ones. The photos depict them in an action pose that defies expectations, and are frequently disturbing; you might open a pack to see your infant daughter standing atop a pile of corpses, or the doorman of your apartment building ripping pages from a bible.
The information on the cards is a mix of generally known information about a person (eg. height, occupation, etc.) as well as a couple of details about them that only they would otherwise know, be they shameful secrets or deeply private past experiences.
The cards don't offer any inherent game-mechanical benefit.
Surprise in a Can!
MSRP $0.99
This exuberantly decorated can, equivalent in size to contain a [unit] of soup, contains the literal element of surprise. Pulling its tab gives you a Provides Initiative identity at 99% for a split second.
Air Friar
MSRP $159.99
An air fryer emblazoned with a crucifix and adorned with a plastic ring that resembles a tonsure. Sauces heated in it can be considered holy water for the purposes of any kind of Christian-oriented magick, including reality bruising cast by or against a Christian.
Also, poultry products come out with cryptic portents carved into their centers in Latin, which can be viewed by cutting the meat open lengthwise. These messages are only sensible to Christians who are active and genuine in their faith. Reading and understanding one of them provides a hunch roll.
Each of the Air Friar's mystic effects only works ten times, after which it can still be used to fry food.
Cloaca-Cola
MSRP $0.99
A 12-ounce soda can with suspiciously familiar branding. Its sodium content is inordinate; it tastes somewhere in between seawater and sweat, with a hint of Gatorade-y fake sugar. Anyone who chugs a whole can in one go, and keeps it down with a successful Fitness check, transforms into a random species of monotreme for 3d10 hours. They retain their full cognitive faculties, but face an Unnatural (9) check upon transformation. Any witnesses of the process must make an Unnatural (5-6) check.
The consumer's clothes morph into their body for the duration of the transformation, but any jewelry or other adornments or worn/held/carried items go flying in a random direction at the initial transformation, not quite hard enough to do damage.
Anyone who drinks the cola over the span of more than a single chug, or who doesn't finish it but keeps down what they did drink does not transform, but instead experiences a lucid dream in which they are a monotreme the next time they sleep.
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